Storytorch

Here in Scotland, the sound of bagpipes is common. In the tourist town of Edinburgh, opportunistic pipers clad in Highland dress stand on many a corner, playing for tips. During the famous Military Tattoo, which we watched on Thursday night with thousands of others, several hundred magnificent, kilted bagpipers played in unison during the Massed Pipes and Drums performance.

In Inverness, we found Castle Street lined with kiltmakers' workshops and Scottish souvenir shops, strains of "Commin' Through the Rye" beckoning from every open doorway.

Yesterday, my husband Mark and I took a boat tour down the River Ness and onto Loch Ness. During the three hour excursion, we sat at a comfy booth in the cabin playing Scrabble, frequently walking out on deck with our binoculars to enjoy the gorgeous countryside along the Loch and to scan the dark, frigid waters for Nessie (no sign).

I noticed a printed instruction placard on the cabin front wall that seemed to illustrate steps for bagpipe playing. Toward the end of our cruise, taking a closer look, I found the photos were not at all man squeezing his pipes in Highland dress, but a stout lady demonstrating proper use of the boat's life vest.

We decided that, in Scotland, combination life-vest-bagpipes would be perfect. You could inflate your vest by blowing into the pipe. While treading water, you could play a lively air to simultaneously entertain yourself and call for aid. And, should help not arrive, you could go under for the third time, piping yourself out to the final notes of "Auld Lang Syne."

Today's Fortune Cookie Fortune:
You will not try haggis.